A unique essay on 'Existenstialism Meets Reality...'

 

Existentialism poses a very difficult question for me? Or does it? After all, I am very comfortable with 'opposites' and welcome them into my life. I guess I also welcome this interesting mix as a Victoria counsellor?

Existentialists believe "We are born alone. And we die alone".

This is one of their core beliefs. If I am to be classified by that belief alone, then I am definitely no existentialist? And yet, so much of what they stand for and believe touches me? I feel existentialist...

In my head I believe that, as Marshall Rosenberg of NVC (aka non violent or compassionate communication) fame says "We are born in relationship and this is how we live". I guess we still die essentially alone?!

What I identify with in existentialism is a fierce need for autonomy. For me... And I guess the bottom line is that like every single one of us I am, despite whatever labels you may choose for me, a unique person with every need?

Am I a new breed of existentialist? Someone who thinks 'relationship' - not least of all with myself. Feels existentialist. And needs every single of of those precious needs I talk about with my clients? A sort of NVC existentialist with a twist of Imago and decorated with TOT?!

Existentialism is a philosophical movement that came about in the late 19th century. It is not some abstract set of theoretical truths. Rather it is a no-nonsense philosophy that encourages you to take a hard look at your life and ask two essential questions:

1. Who am I?
2. How shall I live?

Existentialism's goal is to awaken us from our slumber, have us grab life by the lapels and start living authentically.

Unfortunately, there is no particular school that offers a systematic account of existentialism. Its founders were fierce individualists who avoided labels, detested "isms," and refused to be lumped into any group. (Yes!)

So there is no grand philosophical system here. Essentially, existentialism exists at the intersection of the essays of Friedrich Nietzsche and Jean-Paul Sartre, the novels of Albert Camus and Fyodor Dostoevsky, the religious writings of Soren Kierkegaard and Paul Tillich, and the plays of Harold Pinter and even William Shakespeare (particularly Hamlet and King Lear). Clearly, existentialism is older than the term itself.

The philosophy is based on six general themes:

1. Acceptance of the Absurd. Each of us drops unexpectedly into this world, in a universe where time -- at least as we know it -- has no beginning, no end and no pre-set meaning. It is an inexplicable mystery. This realization is hardly new, of course. Ecclesiastes kicks off with the words "Vanity, vanity, all is vanity. What does man gain from all his labor and toil here under the sun?" (Ecclesiastes 1:2-3). Existentialists believe that it's only when you confront the fundamental absurdity of life that you begin to live honestly.

2. Personal Freedom. Life itself may be meaningless, but you give it meaning when you begin making important choices. These, in turn, reveal who you are. With freedom of choice, however, comes responsibility. Taking ownership of your decisions means not blaming your parents, your spouse, your teachers, or anyone else for the shape of your life. More responsibility brings greater freedom. And with it: hope. Everyone does the absolute best they can, with the tools that they have... (NVC)

3. Individualism. Existentialists are keenly aware that society continually pulls us toward conformity. There are immense social pressures to go along, get along, and live pretty much like everyone else. Existentialists challenge you to buck conventional wisdom, express your true nature, and follow your dream, whatever that may be.

4. Authenticity. Most people are so consumed by desire, guilt, fear, or anxiety about what other people think that they find it almost impossible to follow their true calling. However, it's only when you begin to do what you want -- and not what others expect -- that you begin to live authentically. But expect resistance. Institutions want to mold you. Other people want you to go on their trip. It's far easier to live unthinkingly as part of the crowd. Yet authentic individuals are in control of their own lives.

5. Passion. Being passionate and engaged is crucial. This doesn't mean acting crazy or hysterical. Quite the opposite, in fact. Existentialists believe you should devote yourself to a cause, one that you're willing to organize your life around, perhaps even die for. For Kierkegaard, that passion was the pursuit of truth. For others, it may be artistic expression, healing the sick, or building a business that employs hundreds and serves thousands. In all walks of life, you'll find that passionate men and women are more purposeful.

6. Acceptance of Death. Life is finite. Yet existentialists don't see this as a reason for pessimism. Facing death is what forces you to take life seriously, use your time wisely, and make meaningful choices. It should invigorate your life.

Nietzsche, the philosopher most closely associated with existentialism, refers to it as the noble ideal. Your life, he argues, is an unwritten book that only you can write. Or, he says, visualize your life as a kind of artistic project, except that you are both the sculptor and the clay. This concept runs throughout existentialist works.
Kierkegaard says "to exist is an art." Martin Heidegger counsels us to learn to "dwell poetically." All existentialists agree that life has the meaning you choose to give it. Sartre even declared that man is "nothing else but what he makes of himself." This view is fairly widespread in the West today. But it was once considered revolutionary.

The Catholic Church, for instance, decided that Sartre's ideas were so dangerous that it placed his entire works on the Vatican Index of Prohibited Books -- including those he hadn't yet written! Ideas can indeed be explosive. And teaching that you should live your life on your own terms and make your own decisions and life choices, rather than according to the dictates of an institution was unthinkable. How could the Pope control his people if he was encouraging them to think and act according to their own hearts? Existentialism is often thought of as the philosophy of freedom...

But what price does that freedom carry? Are you then tied to the beliefs of that dogma - the existentialist dogma? Or - as I hope and believe - is there no such thing? Is true existentialism truly free?

No matter how things stand in your life, you choose how to interpret your every situation. You choose how to respond to it. Even if you do nothing, you have still made that choice.

You cannot avoid the consequences of your actions -- or your inaction. Not for long - or forever - anyway. This makes some people profoundly uncomfortable. Naturally. They don't want to face up to the world as it is. They don't want responsibility. It's easier to blame others, traumatic circumstances, or bad luck.

Existentialism is sometimes called "the no-excuses philosophy." You may be old. You may be sick. You may be broke. You may be disabled. You may be a single mom. But existentialists say you start from where you are and move forward.

How?

By accepting responsibility and making choices.

This isn't always easy. Pursuing authenticity requires continual and honest re-self-examination. ReBuilding? You find and understand things about yourself that you prefer - or certainly find it easier - not to know. It may cause discomfort or friction with those you love - until you realize that their needs are in fact the same as yours?

Inauthentic lives, by comparison, are shallow, trivial, and unsatisfying. They are often marked by the dogged pursuit of material goods, social status, or the approval of others. And yet I'm aware that, even in saying that, I am judging others and telling them how they 'should' live?

In many ways existentialism is a return to the roots of philosophy, a return to the ancients' concern with truth, virtue, and the art of living well. Existentialism offers a guide to the perplexed. It shows us not just how to live, but how to flourish, how to create meaning in a senseless world. Those who reject this philosophy often do so not because they don't understand it but because they can't face it. And that's unfortunate.

Existentialism provides a practical way of thinking about the world. It offers personal freedom and empowerment. It is a path to dignity and nobility.

Unlike the existentialist ideal of not living as though you have forever, I do fritter away so much of my time and put off until "someday" the things I really want to do. Or is that just a part of the essential pondering and growing toward decision? After all, to rush off 'half-cocked' would get us nowhere (and no gun will fire properly if it isn't fully cocked)?

An existentialist recognizes that each day, each moment, is precious and irreplaceable. And yet, as mere humans, we need to ponder? We need to get to know ourselves and address all that we are? And we need to think about (procrastinate?) what we are to do before we do it? As my beautiful Dad said "think twice, cut once"...

Are you an existentialist? Or perhaps more as I am - an existentialist at heart? With a heart that is based in NVC, who is very conscious of her relationships, including that most important one with the self?!