The most successful counselling, I believe, is flexible and based on Imago Style Therapy, Trust Oriented Therapy, NVC and thoughtfulness.
Sounds simple?
Sometimes people can be so very hard on themselves and often set themselves tasks far harder than they would ever give anyone else. They are unforgiving and harsh with themselves and yet, at the same time, lenient with others? Sound familiar? Find out, primarily with NVC, how you can change this.
Couples and families often speak far more unkindly to each other than they would ever dream of doing with a complete stranger. (And yet this is a person they 'love'?) One of my father's favourite sayings was "Familiarity breeds contempt". Why? Why do we do this? I think the answer may lie in the often false sense of what we think of as 'safety'? And what does this sense of 'safety' cost those we love?
I am a Registered Professional Counsellor in Canada and, together with my oldest son and second-oldest daughter-in-law, offer individual therapy, personal growth work, couple or relationship counselling (marriage counsellor), and sexual issues therapy in Victoria. I also offer online or email counselling personally.
I use NVC, Imago Style Therapy, 'Kids Are Worth It' Parenting and Trust Oriented Therapy and use my own life experience - and that of everyone I've met! - to colour my actions.
NVC is very simple and yet quite hard to do: as Marshall says, we are all born speaking NVC and then we spend our whole lives being taught, carefully and by our whole society, how not to speak it. It's based on complete acceptance (and learning how this could be!) and separating out our thoughts, feelings and needs and constructing requests and statements using these thoughts, feelings and needs in a way that's easy enough on our partner's ears that they can hear us.
It's also based on an acceptance that everyone in the world has similar needs, regardless of culture or colour. Knowing what needs make up 'you' and taking responsibility for finding strategies to address these needs is a guaranteed way to make depression, anger and anxiety a thing of the past. (Important point: We must all address our own needs and not expect anyone else to address our needs for us.) This new 'needs therapy' is simple but effective.
You are urged to take any judgment out of your language and to speak from the heart. We are also asked to accept that everyone does the very best that he can do, given the tools he has at the time.
There are also what are known as 'dancefloors' (originally by Bridget Belgrave and Gina Lawrie in the UK) to help make using this new language fun and easier to learn.
Imago Style Therapy unravels and deciphers patterns in our behaviours that come from our past experiences. It's based on an ancient Greek story, understanding simple physiology and learning new behaviors that help us to actually reprogram our basic reactions. It also gives us some useful tools to use in relationship to both help to re-image our partners and increase safety and connection.
This style of therapy fits nicely with other, more physical forms of energy medicine. I believe that when we can really see and thoroughly understand our patterns of behavior, our minds will learn to adjust and allow us greater control of - and peace in - our actions.
It is said that most forms of marriage counselling are less than 30% effective. It's also generally accepted that Imago therapy is over 70% successful. That is a quite a significant difference. Before you give up on your marriage let Imago Style therapy show you how you can save your relationship. Provided that you were passionately 'in love' at one time, there's every chance that you can rebuild a brilliant relationship.
Trust Oriented Therapy - aka TOT - was developed by Mahmud Nestman, a leading counsellor in Vancouver, BC. As Trust Oriented therapists we trust completely that our client holds the answers to their every problem, often deep within them. By the time our clients come to see. Eventually a client will learn to trust him or herself again - and the pathology, whatever it is, will be healed.
Counselling - or counseling - is coaching for emotional, relationship and personal growth. It's also honest (but kind) feedback - feedback that other may not want to give you.
The dictionary says counselling is "professional guidance of the individual by utilizing psychological methods especially in collecting case history data, using various techniques of the personal interview, and testing interests and aptitudes"
I say it is a blend of these two meanings? If you want to grow and excel in, say, cycling, one way of doing this would be to find a coach. He will share with you his or her experience and knowledge of cycling, allowing you to attain his level of expertise in a much quicker time.
Similarly if I have a question about my website that I have spent hours poring over and trying to fix, I ask my website guru son, Midnight Donkey, for advice. Often it will take him only a few minutes to find and correct what I've taken hours not finding.
Do you want to take your life or relationship to 'the next level'? Are you feeling blue (or downright depressed) or do you have anger issues? Do you want to get the most from this one, precious life?
Yay!
Best wishes, Julie