Making the unconscious conscious... What does that mean?
To me, it's cutting the puppet strings from our past so that when I raise my arm to say 'stop', it is me raising my arm and not a ghost from my past. I want to be able to see clearly and choose, with love, my own actions. Together we can identify your 'ghosts' and help them find a comfortable place to rest; in the past...
When you behold another with the eyes of love, you see your own magnificence too.
Lee Jampolsky
The most successful counselling, I believe, is totally flexible like a strong and supple backbone. It trusts that each one of us has the ability to listen to our souls and the counsellor's job is to make sure you don't miss a sound. I also use Imago Style Therapy (very successful relationship therapy from Dr Harville Hendrix), Trust Oriented Therapy from Mahmud Nestman, very importantly NVC or a Language of Life from Marshall Rosenberg and mindfulness.
Sometimes people can be so very hard on themselves and often set themselves tasks far harder than they would dream of setting anyone else. They are unforgiving and harsh with themselves and yet, at the same time, lenient with others? Sound familiar? Find out, primarily with NVC, how you can see - and change - this.
Why do couples and families often speak far more unkindly to each other than they would to a complete stranger? (And yet this is a person they 'love'?) One of my father's favourite sayings was "Familiarity breeds contempt". What does this mean? Why do we do this? I think the answer may lie in the often false sense of what we think of as 'safety' in that person always being there? What does this sense of 'safety' cost those we love? And what might it cost us?
I am a Registered Professional Counsellor in Canada and, together with my oldest son and second-oldest daughter-in-law, offer individual therapy, personal growth work, couple or relationship counselling (marriage counsellor), and sexual issues therapy in Victoria. I also offer online or email counselling personally.
I use NVC, Imago Style Therapy, 'Kids Are Worth It' Parenting and Trust Oriented Therapy and use my own life experience - and that of everyone I've met! - to colour my style.
NVC is very simple and yet quite hard to do? As creator Marshall Rosenberg says, we are all born speaking NVC and then we spend our whole lives being taught, carefully and by our whole society, how not to speak it. It's based on complete acceptance (and learning how this could be?!) Learn to separate out your thoughts, feelings and needs and construct requests and statements using these same thoughts, feelings and needs in a way that our partner can hear us.
NVC's also based on an acceptance that everyone in the world has similar needs, regardless of culture or colour. Knowing what needs make up 'you' - and taking responsibility for finding strategies to address these needs - is a guaranteed way to make depression, anger and anxiety a thing of the past. (Important point: We must address our own needs and not expect anyone else to address our needs for us.) This new 'needs therapy' is simple but effective.
You are urged to take any judgment out of your language and to speak from the heart. I believe that everyone does the very best that he can do (albeit pretty awful sometimes) given the tools that he has access to at the time.
There are also what are known as 'dancefloors' (originally by Bridget Belgrave and Gina Lawrie in the UK) to help make using this new language fun and easier to learn.
Imago Style Therapy unravels and deciphers patterns in our behaviours that come from our past experiences - and shows you how to do this yourself. Using an ancient Greek story, understand simple relationship physiology and learn new behaviors to help 'reprogram' basic reactions. Imago also has some useful tools to use in relationship, to both help to re-image our partners and increase safety and connection with them.
This style of therapy fits nicely with other more physical forms of energy medicine. I believe that when we can really see and thoroughly understand our patterns of behavior, our minds will learn to adjust and allow us greater control of - and peace in - our actions.
It is said that most forms of marriage counselling are less than 30% effective. It's also generally accepted that Imago therapy is over 70% successful. That is a quite a significant difference. Before you give up on your marriage let Imago Style therapy show you how you can save your relationship. Provided that you were passionately 'in love' at one time, there's every chance that you can rebuild a brilliant relationship.
Trust Oriented Therapy - aka TOT - was developed by Mahmud Nestman, a leading counsellor in Vancouver, BC. As Trust Oriented therapists we trust completely that our client holds the answers to their every problem, often deep within them. By the time our clients come to see. Eventually a client will learn to trust him or herself again - and the pathology, whatever it is, will be healed.
Counselling - or counseling - is coaching for emotional, relationship and personal growth. It also includes honest (but kind) feedback - feedback that others may not want to give you and that a skillful counsellor will help you see yourself.
The dictionary says counselling is "professional guidance of the individual by utilizing psychological methods especially in collecting case history data, using various techniques of the personal interview, and testing interests and aptitudes"
I say counselling is a blend of what I understand it to be and what the dictionary says? If you want to grow and excel in,say, cycling, one way of doing this would be to find a coach? He will share with you his or her experience and knowledge of cycling, allowing you to attain his level of expertise in a much quicker time than it took him.
Similarly if I have a question about my website (that I have spent hours poring over and trying to fix!) I ask my website guru son, Midnight Donkey for advice. Often it will take him only a minute or two to find and correct what I've taken hours not finding...
Do you want to take your life or relationship to 'the next level'? Are you feeling blue (or downright depressed) or do you have anger issues? Do you want to get the most from this one, precious life? If you do, call me. Together I trust - I know - we will find the answers.
Best wishes, Julie
