Connection - a great "Getting-To-Know-You-Better" survey
We are born in connection - at least to our mothers. And we die in connection - at least to ourselves if not to others. This is the opposite of what existentialism preaches? And yet, in many other personal development issues, I find myself thinking like an existentialist? Interesting! An existentialist in an NVC kind of way? Technically impossible? I love the idea - an NVC existentialist!
Back to the topic... When was the last time you felt really great?
I think connection is one of the most important needs/values/virtues (whatever terminology you want to use) that there is. And I also find NVC to hold some of the most important ideas and statements in existence when it comes to connection - relationships - with yourself and with others. NVC is a most powerful way to beat depression.
Read on... Human beings are 'pack animals' - much as we may like to think of ourselves differently?! In other words we are community minded, whether that community is of one (one best friend or partner) or of many. Our journey through life is much more wonderful when there is at least one other person to witness it: to love us and to give us feedback on our actions and thoughts.
The trick for peace of mind and a feeling of fullness and contentment is to be really well connected to yourself. Then - and only then - can you know what to ask for from others, that it would help you to enjoy life more?
Each of us has to take responsibility for ourselves and tell others what we want. And how to treat us. How else can others - even someone who loves us with all their heart - know what we want?
It seems that some of us get the idea that no-one is really interested in our opinion? And that feeling often persists into adulthood: a lonely feeling that 'no-one else cares or wants to hear what we have to say'.
In order to be accepted, these people decide that they need to conform their thoughts and ideas to what they think others want to hear. Or conform to that which seems to get the response they desire. They lose track of themselves. What they really think and want. Rarely do they ask for feedback on their thoughts and actions - in fear that others may not like what they say or do? Often, they are so caught up worrying about what to say and what to do next that the furthest thing from their minds is to ask for their friend's thoughts.
Very sadly, these people start to feel worthless. Disconnected. Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness may follow.
Here is one nice way to connect back with yourself - when did you last think about what kind of footwear - or anything - you like? And connect with those you care about. Let them know you're interested in what makes them tick.
Welcome to the 2011 edition of an email survey I received recently from a friend! What a simple but good way to 'connect', especially on a Sunday! Cut and paste the questions from this web page, change the answers so they are yours (not mine!) and then send this to your friends. Once it's in email form, your friends can just click on 'forward', change the answers to their own and send send this email on to their own friends.
Email like this is a good way of increasing connection. I also found it a useful way of 'testing' the list of friends I have, to check which ones actually care about me and my thoughts. After all, a friend who is self-absorbed and who doesn't really care to know what makes you tick may not be the kind of friend who you would choose to bear witness to your life?
Here's the Getting-To-Know-You-Better survey…
1. Do you prefer high heels or boots? high heels (dreaming!)
2. What time did you get up this morning? 10:00am
3. Do you prefer diamonds or pearls? Pearls (but I like both)
4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? King's speech - great movie
5. What is your favourite Show? 24
6. What do you usually have for Breakfast? banana and fresh juice
7. What is your middle name or nickname? Elizabeth
8. What food do you dislike? Spam
9. What is your favourite CD at the moment? Big Bands and Norah Jones
10. What characteristic do you despise? injustice, meanness and discrimination
11. Favourite Clothing? velour stretchy pants
12. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? Belize or Costa Rica
13. Are you an organized person? no - but I would love to be
14. Where would you like to retire? In a house by the sea where all my family (and clients) could holiday
15. What was your most recent memorable birthday? One of my sons was born on my 24th birthday
16. What are you going to do when you finish this? get the towels out of the drier and make supper!!
17. Furthest place you are sending this? Gomera in Spain
18. Person you expect to send it back first? mom? Or my friend Gilly
19. When is your birthday? June 26 - cancerian
20. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night
21. What is your shoe size? 9
22. Do you own any animals? 1 sweet and timid little dog, Oreo
23. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I will have my 4 sons and 7 grandkids all here at the same time - I also love to dance!
24. What did you want to be when you were growing up? a flying doctor (and significant!)
25. What is your favourite flower? Sweetpea - and Rose
26. Which day on the calendar are you looking forward to? every day
27. What was the last thing you ate? cheese roll, cup of tea and avocado
28. Do you wish upon stars? yes
29. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? dusky pink (this colour)
30. How is the weather right now? trying to be nice
31. Last person you spoke to on the phone? my ex mother in law
32. Favourite soft drink? Coconut water and Ribena
33. Favourite restaurant? Vista 18 with live jazz
34. What is your favourite colour? denim blue/mauve
36. Summer or winter? Summer - the beach and the ocean
37. Chocolate or vanilla? - vanilla
38. Coffee or tea? Tea with milk and honey
39. Favourite food of all time? creme caramel, roast lamb - any FOOD! (and lemon meringue and blackberry pies)
40. Do you want your friends to email you back? Yes, please
41. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday
42. What is under your bed? Dust bunnies
43. What did you do last night? danced until late
44. What are you afraid of? being alone and my family not visiting me when I'm old
45. Salty or sweet? depends on my mood
46. Best quality you have? seeing the best in others
47. How many years at your current job? 12
48. Favourite day of the week? I like them all
49. Positive or negative? Depends on what? Negatively ionized water and food. Positive frame of mind
50. How many people will you send this to? Not sure - 6 maybe
51. How many will respond? Hopefully at least ONE!