The Shadow Side - NVC/Imago Style...
What is the shadow-side? Is there a part of me that I don't know and that governs my life? Are all of us psychic or part witch but we don't know it? What does that term mean?
Shadow-side are just the words - or terminology - used by some gifted authors to describe what I call the 'autonomic' part of your brain. The autonomic - or reptilian, ancient, old or 'brain stem' - part of your brain that governs autonomic behaviour. Such as heart beat, breathing, body temperature, coughing and blinking.
This part of our brain is programmed to keep our bodies running efficiently. It also includes another couple of essential human behaviors that are programmed by experience. This part of our brain also behaves like a super-fast computer processor, completely disconnected from the cognitive 'knowledge' part of our brain. Which can cause reactions and behavior that these guys call 'shadow-side' behavior.
Do you find that you have behaviours that you know are sabotaging your success? Where do they come from?
These guys say it's your shadow - which kind of suggests that it's a slightly dark and never-changing element that is not quite part of you? I prefer to think of it in more pragmatic, inclusive and less magical terminology.
A shadow is always present - as long as there is light? And I believe that you can transform this autonomic behavior and incorporate it into your consciousness. I agree with them totally that we need to embrace and understand this part of our personalities. Unless we do understand it there is, indeed, a side that can 'lurk' like a shadow.
As Debbie Ford, Marianne Williamson and my hero Deepak Chopra say, we do have to face this part of us if we wish to fully understand our behavior. Calling it a shadow or dark side, in my mind, gives it power and a magical quality that isn't really very useful? It neither helps us nor truly represents what it is?
I agree that we do need to understand these behaviors, and embrace it, or it will keep governing our actions. But I believe that it's very simple - whilst at the same time, complex. Rather like the programming of your computer? Just a series of very non-magical 0's and 1's. Nothing magic or dark here.
Ignoring this part of our selves is the reason we sabotage our relationships, exercise programs and finances. At least it can be...
When we understand, accept and embrace it, we are able to see our actions and those of others more clearly. It's like cutting away all the tangled undergrowth in a forest and making a clear path.
When you understand this part of yourself you will be able to see clearly who you are and address your real needs. You will also understand some of your reactions and be able to more easily tolerate and transform them.
You will create peace within yourself and your body. Your relationships will reflect this 'ease'. You will realise that you are no different from others in the beautiful world of ours - from Outer Mongolia to the Arctic to the Amazon to Europe. Yet your needs blueprint is completely unique.
This side of you has kept you safe throughout your life. It ensured that as a baby you were able to react to your environment appropriately survive. You owe it your life. It is also the source of misunderstanding, pain and broken relationships. Learn what makes you tick and work with these precious needs of yours.
Julie is a Victoria counsellor and writer.