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What I Mean Is…

Adult Speech Therapy Book

At Last! Unique Adult Speech Therapy Books - use it with your own therapists, nurse or caregiver.

I can't say enough good things about this series of wonderful speech therapy books for adults who are higher functioning (but still need help) after their brain injury.

"What I Mean Is..." has been written by a qualified and innovative speech pathologist who sees patients every day that need this kind of help: help that until now wasn't available. Hilary, along with her colleague Anita Kess, has successfully created and designed exercises that help put our language 'back together' again. All the pieces of our language are there, waiting... Waiting for this!

There are 2 books in the series for mild to moderate level language challenges - sometimes known as BRAIN FOG. And one book for more seriously affected asphasic patients. All of these books can be used by you - together with your local speech therapist. Your visitors, partner and the nurses in your own rehabilitation program can also use this book with you. Using "What I Mean Is..." results in a significantly higher level of satisfaction and reduced level of frustration in your daily use of language and in your own ReBuilding process.

1. "What I Mean Is..." - A Structured Program to Improve Mild to Moderate Word Retrieval/Fluency Problems (3rd edition) by Hilary J Dibben BSc MSc S-LP(C) and Anita Kess BA MA Dip App Ling

This practical workbook includes hundreds of exercises and increases language flexibility and improves word retrieval for higher functioning clients, using a variety of approaches including categorizing words, synonyms, homonyms, analogies and so much more.

"What I Mean Is..." is now available in the ReBuildingYou MarketPlace. Click on any of the LuLu links and just a couple of days later your book will arrive - as shown here by my grandson Cobe! It was well packaged - almost undamageable - and so quick. Great service!

The technical name for those the book was written for (and I am part of this group) is the "higher functioning speech impaired" and we fall through the cracks when it comes to our need for speech therapy. Yes we can form words and ask for our basic needs. But we can't fully express all the thoughts in our minds. We're always 'losing' words and having trouble remembering exactly how to say what we want. We also say things we can't believe we said! Hence the title of this great new book!

With help we can get better (I have and so have other friends I know who were clients of Hilary's) and there is hope that we can express ourselves as fully as we did before. However... We need help to re-file the thousands of bits of information that have been exploded everywhere by our brain injuries.

As Hilary once said "Imagine a large bookcase, full of neatly filed papers... Then knock it over. There are papers all over the place - and those papers are pieces of your language. What I'm going to do is help you pick them up and refile them." And whilst that help has never been available before, it is now. If your hospital or neuro-rehab program doesn't have help available for higher-functioning patients, they too can use this book and we would be delighted to talk to them, should they wish.

Hilary Dibben wrote "What I Mean Is" because there was nothing else available - no other text book or workbook (other than for young kids) out there to help the thousands of us who can speak... But who are unable to express themselves in a way that is satisfying and meaningful to them. This book is the answer we've been waiting for.

"What I Mean Is..." started out as a collection of worksheets and gradually grew from there. The development of this book was completely in step with:

* the needs of the client and
* what worked.
Simple but brilliant. The perfect work-book for me, the client - and it works.

This book can be used directly by clients with some help from either their own speech therapist, an occupational therapist or other rehabilitation therapist, a nurse or loved one/caregiver. If you have suffered a stroke, chemobrain or any another sort of brain injury and need help expressing yourself fully and with ease, this book is for you. This book works best when there is a non-injured person working with the client - although I admit that I worked on parts of this book in the waiting room with the other brain injured patients in my group! That was great fun - we would catch each other out making mistakes!

I love this book! It's the one - or the contents are similar anyway - to the one I used myself in neuro-rehab at my local hospital.

I had no idea that I needed language therapy. In fact I was horrified at first when it was suggested! I knew secretly that I had difficulties but I thought they didn't show. And I was happy to ignore them. Everyone else seemed to think I was 'fine'. Before this recent round of rehab, no-one had even suggested that I seek speech therapy. I had spent nearly 20 years silently having trouble - struggling. Praying that no-one would notice. However speech therapy was part of this neuro-rehab package and not wanting to miss any potential improvements - I went to my first session. I took a simple test, to give Hilary an idea of my abilities - which I thought I would ace! I was shocked. I had no idea of the extent of my problem and it was my brain. Here was a woman who knew what was going on inside my head when even I didn't! I was speechless. As I realized how much difference this therapy made, I couldn't get ahead quickly enough.

The exercises here in "What I Mean Is..." seem simple. In reality they are very powerful. I've always been able to write my thoughts down - now I can speak my thoughts too. And I can now see clearly what my difficulties are - which is the first step to healing and real improvement. Now I know what it is I need to re-learn. And how to do it.

Here is a picture of Hilary (far right), Anita (blonde), me Julie (white blouse) and our publishing editor Marilyn at a restaurant celebrating the completion of the project.

Words and language are such a vital and important part of 'me' - being able to express myself fully was such an important part of my recovery. Thank you Hilary, from the bottom of my heart.

I wanted to check out the company - www.Lulu.com - that's fulfilling the orders for the book and make sure they are 100% reliable and that your credit card details will be safe. It gives me great pleasure to tell you that I have been blown away by their integrity and professionalism. Ordering the book was easy and quick and just over a week later (they sent me 2 emails meantime to let me know where they were in the fulfillment process) I received my book. As you can see from the pictures on this page the book arrived in a cardboard package, firmly sealed inside in a protective bubble. Quick, easy, safe, very professional.

I will happily publish and factor in the ratings of every reviewer of these powerful speech therapy books for adults, as soon as I get that feedback. ORDER! your books now. And please let me know how you find them.

2. "Are You Listening" (not yet available, except by written request - come on Hilary! Shall we do an audio version?)

To hone listening, verbal working memory, and speed of auditory processing skills this book uses practical auditory exercises like verbal reasoning, oral directions, shapes and numbers, directed drawings, riddles, analogies and maps.
by Hilary Dibben BSc MSc S-LP(C)

This book will be coming later in 2010 (we hope). Become a subscriber to ReBuildingYou and read in the VillageCrier newsletter (first issue coming out soon) the moment these books are available.

3. This book for those with more difficult speech and language problems, "The Barrier Book" by Hilary Dibben BSc MSc L-LP(C), is a series of thought provoking exercises to encourage and enable the aphasic to communicate more clearly with those around him.

The very thing higher functioning clients are unable to do is to express clearly what they need - which is kind of obvious? Someone else has to point out what they can't do. (No-one could easily see it in themselves.) Honesty - not criticism though! - is needed please - and maybe that comes best from a therapist? Help is at hand. As more patients are helped we must make a loud chorus of appreciation - and a demand for the help we now know we need. Only then will the Health Authorities and Medical Insurance Companies understand and provide for this need.
These excellent speech therapy books for adults are unique and hot off the press and are available only through ReBuildingYou.
Reaching clients through other therapists proved just too difficult. But with the help of the internet, I'm hoping that this will change! We need you to forward this information on to your friends who might benefit from these books. If you are a therapist, please order a copy or two for your clinic. Librarians please make this book available in your public libraries. Family doctors please know that this book is available - and if you even suspect that speech difficulties might be experienced by your patient, recommend this book (and ask libraries to carry it...)

Clients and caregivers can now learn about these books on the internet and ask their speech therapists about them. And no-one would be happier than the professionals in the rehabilitation field to be able to help higher functioning patients with language needs to reach their potential - once they realise that this is a need. We have to ask for what we need - I didn't and no-one said to me that they noticed that there was a change in my language and that maybe I could check it out. Friends please be our friends...

I would also like to invite you to send in your experiences which will help us know better what works and how to modify the treatment that's available. This whole subject is very new and we need feedback in order to improve and progress. Your thoughts - however unimportant they may seem to you - are really important to us. (Let Hilary, Anita and I know. If I can I would like to publish your feedback - and if you would prefer to remain anonymous, that's fine too.)

We look forward to hearing from you!

Warmly, Julie

SOTA Blood Purifier

SOTA Blood Purifier, Silver Pulser Zapper

How can you rise above all the issues facing you right now if you are constantly sick? I can face colds, flu and infections with confidence with my SOTA zapper. The technology is simple and I would love for it to help you to keep healthy too - it's so much easier to deal with life when you are feeling well.

For 21 months it kept me completely well even when I am with friends and clients who are unwell. And I discover that many other people who use these silver pulsers have similar experiences. They really work! Read more about how it makes a difference to real lives. Once you are part of the Sota Community you can read many similar stories to this one.

For several years I've worked with a sweetheart of a man - Humphrey - who wears one of these devices at work several times a week for an hour. I thought this was just one of his quirkinesses! In fact I didn't really believe such a simple thing could really make a difference and I scoffed at it! I was so wrong.

Survivors of major physical trauma suffer with exhaustion at the drop of a hat - almost without exception. One day, when I had been exhausted for what seemed like forever and I kept getting colds and infections and had to go to the doctor repeatedly, Humphrey mentioned that he hadn't been sick for years. Luckily I heard him and I finally asked him about his 'gadget' and started to find out about electronic blood purification. Many supplements, vitamins and exercise help but none more so than the zapper. If I had to choose just one thing to use from now on, I would choose one of these devices. If you decide to join me, you are welcome to use the ReBuildingYou code: CA50333 and get a 10% discount!

This little gadget is one of the most effective things I've had the good luck to come across. I can't believe that I didn't listen to Humphrey earlier. I guess there are so many demands on our attention and we become burned out. However, if you can spare me a few moments of your time, I would like to share the news so that you can benefit too. By sharing what we discover, we can help each other to ReBuild our lives much more quickly and successfully than we could ever hope to do alone. ReBuildingYou clients get 10% off when using this code at SOTA: CA50333 or CLICK HERE to order.

Here's the story behind my using the SOTA - you can also see how it has affected the lives of other people by clicking here...

First of all, some background so that this story makes sense. Every human body has quite a bit of 'gunk' circulating in the blood at any one time. By gunk I mean viruses, bacteria, fungi and other parasites. A healthy body and immune system can easily manage this extra load and keep it under control. Most of the time. Until we get run down...

However, ReBuilding your life from any kind of trauma is already asking your body and immune system to work at maximum output. After all, only a maximum effort will let you slowly pull yourself back up to a life that is satisfying to you. Exhausting. Something any ReBuilder can testify to. Any extra load is just too much and the result is exhaustion, candida (aka yeast or thrush), colds and sore throats, minor cuts that won't heal, more serious infections. This is similar to the general 'unwellness' and the being 'run down' which follows most illnesses.

The body and mind can perform miracles - without a doubt. If we let them. They can move you far beyond what traditional medicine can do. My doctors told me I would never walk again, let alone be able to work. Thankfully they were wrong. Mind over matter will triumph almost every time. With support... Although our own body is the most amazing healer it needs every bit of help it can get to try and level the playing field when it's working full-tilt. That's where this little gadget comes in.

Every ten minutes or so, most of your blood makes a complete circuit of the body: it passes by every pulse point once in 10 minutes. The zapper (SOTA silver pulser) affixes over one of your pairs of pulse points - say the radial and ular arteries of your right wrist - and zaps your blood as it courses through your veins underneath the skin. This electrical current is completely harmless - except to the microscopic organisms enjoying a free ride and often wreaking havoc in our blood. In fact stimulation with certain electricity and magnetic fields has been shown to energize and increase health, regardless of the effect on the freeloaders.

Ordinarily our immune systems seek out and attack/control viruses, bacteria, yeasts, parasites and any other invaders in the body. That's a major part of their job. However when we've been sick and/or stressed for any length of time, the immune system becomes sluggish and exhausted.

silver-pulser-kit I love the fact that the SOTA blood purifier is totally non invasive. There is no medication. No nasty side effects. This gadget is completely side-effect-free! We only need to wear this gadget for about an hour at a time. Actually I use it every 2 - 5 days when I'm feeling well and if I sense a cold coming (or other 'bug') I use it more often. There are various 'protocols' recommended for various serious conditions like cancer and AIDS - ranging from 20 minutes a day. In fact the improvement to the health of AIDS patients is comparable and even better than with some of the most up to date and expensive drugs. Rather than worry about which protocol is best, I think it's important to 'just use it'. Over time you will adjust your use to what is most effective for you - many of the exact protocols are very similar. When I feel my neck glands starting to ache and swell, I make sure and use the SOTA for at least an hour and when I wake up next morning, I'm well. Preferably you would do it every couple of days and avoid any symtptoms at all (I'm afraid I sometimes forget!).

There have been reports of Herzheimers effect (caused by the dying off of a large amount of toxins) making you feel flu-like after the first few uses - and this may be true depending on your individual state of health and disease. If you do experience a Herzheimer effect, it will disappear after a few days, when the sudden increase in toxins leaving the body has regularized again. Personally I didn't have a problem and I felt slightly better after the very first use - I expect your reaction will vary.

After 17 months (in March 2010), I got overconfident and reduced the time I used it to once or twice a week for an hour. I had also started to doubt that it was the zapper that was keeping me well: I thought I was just healtheir. There was a particularly nasty bug around and many of my friends caught it. They were sick for days and missed work, some for as long as a week or more. For the first time in nearly a year and a half, I also caught this bug. The zapper seems very efficient at keeping bugs at bay but when you are full of bugs, it's difficult to get rid of them all. However, using my zapper for 2 or 3 hours every day for a few days kept me only mildly sick and I didn't lose a single day of work. So it can also make viruses and infections much less severe. In the morning I would wake up feeling sinussy and achy but after an hour of zapping each morning, I felt OK. Not brilliant. But OK. At bedtime I would use my SOTA again for an hour or two. Four days later I was fine again. I will use my zapper regularly from now on.

How To Use the Silver Pulser Blood Purifier

The SOTA consists of two little silver bars/electrodes that you slip into white cotton sleeves and put them over your pulse points in your wrist. These electrodes are moistened with salty water - the concentration of salt is not too important and the cotton should be just moist and not dripping wet. There is a black neoprene wrist strap that you then fasten over the electrodes with velcro. If the band itself gets wet, the electrodes can sting and so I blot the electrodes before I affix them. Following these instructions is important: you must use the cotton sleeves and to avoid tingling/stinging skin you have to moisten the cotton with salt water but not wet the skin or the neoprene band between the electrodes. It's also important to get the electrodes in exactly the right place by adjusting them as necessary while they're in place. Zapping should never sting although you can feel the electricity pulsing under the neoprene band.

The next step is simple... You turn on the small handset, attached to the electrodes by wires, and turn up the dial until you can feel the pulsing current. If the electrodes sting at all, turn down the current and move the electrodes until they are comfortable. When they are in the right spot, the electrodes do not hurt or sting and it's important to find 'the right spot' - however your fingers might twitch! This does not hurt at all when done properly, although it is common for the wrist to be a little red immediately after use (this goes away and you can use aloe gel to soothe and moisturize the skin if you wish).

Once the device is turned on, I put the handset into a pocket and carry on with whatever activity I'm doing. If I'm typing sometimes I have to turn down the dial because my fingers twitch and keep typing the wrong letters!

Before I used the SOTA, I caught every bug around and was sick at the drop of a hat. I also felt exhausted on a daily basis. Since using this gadget I have not had a single cold or sore throat - and I'm talking nearly 17 months here and despite sitting in a car with the windows closed (it was raining and cold) with my son who had a terrible cold. My best friend and her family had the H1N1 virus and I spent time with them but stayed well. According to my doctor and to my blood tests, I am also particularly vulnerable to illness. However... My doctor is amazed - and I am delighted - that I stay so well!

With the SOTA Silver Pulser my body is free to concentrate its resources and precious energy on healing, ReBuilding and staying fit.

I was only able to find a limited amount of good information about gadgets similar to this - Dr Bob Beck had done a lot of work on it and had nothing but positive things to say. One study was with AIDS patients who remained well and symptom free without expensive drugs. It's also used for cancer patients and to restore health. There were also some interesting studies of a much larger - and successful - German machine but it seem these studies must have been done before the internet. Dr Hulda Clark also has a zapper - it looks less user friendly. And this is important because to be effective, you need to be able to use this with ease regularly. It also looks more complicated and I have learned that the technical details with zappers are very much less important - luckily so, because its simplicity is one of the reasons its so user friendly. However, I will try out one of these zappers as soon as possible and report on it here.

Continuing with traditional medicine is a 'must' (only your doctor can tell you when you can reduce treatment) and concurrent physiotherapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, acupuncture – and several other therapies and devices - are also strongly recommended.

The following books are about new technology and health (including the silver pulser). The Oxygen Revolution: Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy: The books are 'When Technology Fails; The Natural Way to Heal and 60 Ways To Create Superior Health; The Oxygen Revolution: Groundbreaking New Treatment for Stroke, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, Arthritis, Autism, Learning Disabilities and More by Paul Harch and may well be of interest to complement your interest in silver pulser technology and health:

NVC Compassionate Communication Book

I wish this book were required reading in our schools. NVC is the perfect example of the beauty of the KISS principle - it's also one of the hardest things to do. Similar to the NVC CD but in book form, this manual forms the foundation of what I do. There is also a matching NVC workbook which is ideal for those not working with a 'live' counsellor. A month of emails plus the workbook will transform your life.

NVC aka A Language of Life is the language we are all born speaking, whether we're from Tibet or Tanzania. Schools, churches, governments and parent all conspire to teach us a language of confrontation, separation and fear. Albeit in Tibetan or Tanzanian!

As I read/listened to Marshall talking about NVC, my eyes were tearful with sadness, regret and a recognition of what I knew to be true in the deepest part of me. I was going to try and talk about the actual components of NVC here but it just doesn't seem possible to do them justice?

This is without doubt the kindest, most compassionate language anywhere - and it brings success and peace whether you're alone (self-empathy is one of the most important parts of NVC I think), a couple, a family, a school, a corporation or a country. Some of Marshall's latest - and successful - work has been in countries torn apart by civil war and hatred, such as Rwanda and the Middle East.

Invite NVC into your life - based on separating thoughts, feelings and needs, enriched by self knowledge and served up with kindness and respect. Life is too precious for anything less.

NVC – Compassionate Communication CD

Have to choose something to read/listen to while you're shipwrecked on a desert island for the next 5 years? I would take 'Non Violent Communication' by Marshall Rosenberg. Learn to be compassionate to yourself - that's a novel idea!

As I read/listened to Marshall talking about NVC, tears flowed down my face with sadness, regret and a recognition of what I knew to be true in the deepest part of me. I was going to try and talk about the actual components of NVC here but it just doesn't seem possible to do them justice?

Invite NVC into your life - based on separating thoughts, feelings and needs, enriched by self knowledge and served up with kindness and respect. Life is too precious for anything less.

Judge not, lest ye be judged…

Recently I was sent an email with 2 thought provoking questions - I'll print some of my thoughts before and after the questions themselves!

NVC (Non Violent Communication) aka Compassionate Communication or ‘A Language of Life’ urges us not to judge - and explains why... Yes, we are taught the benefits of categorizing, but this is not to be mistaken for judging.

The bible also urges us “Not to judge lest we be judged. With those thoughts in mind, here are the questions:

Question One

You know a woman who is pregnant. She has 8 kids already,
three of whom are deaf, two blind and one mentally retarded. Oh, and
by the way, she has syphilis. Would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Would you be willing to read the next question too before scrolling down to the answer for Question One?

Question Two

It is time to elect a new world leader and your vote is crucial.

Here are some facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A:

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10
Martinis a day.

Candidate B:

He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium
in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C:

He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke,
drinks an occasional beer and has never committed adultery.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Decide first - judge...

And then scroll down for the answers.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolf Hitler.

And the answer to the abortion question?

If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

I found these thought pretty interesting? What mistakes we can so honestly make.

Judging is powerful, that's for sure. Marshall Rosenberg of NVC (compassionate communication) fame calls judging 'life alienating'.

NVC has found that there is judgment - in one way or another - in so much of our language and that it's this judgment that often colours our conversation and responses. Often in a life alienating way. Rather than simple facts - and life enrichment.

Examine your sentences and try to take out the judgmental words that we all add without thinking.

We add emphasis to certain words and by that, add innuendo - and perhaps judgment - to our speech

Unspoken messages are also sent - in our letters and writing and especially in email and texts. Not saying things fully can make them sound harsh and not as we intend?

Do you want to be clearly understood?

Do you long for your loved one to really listen to what you have to say?

Check your language and clean it up! Perhaps try NVC. You might be glad you did?

Good luck,
Julie

Shadow Side – Is There One?

The Shadow Side - NVC/Imago Style...

What is the shadow-side? Is there a part of me that I don't know and that governs my life? Are all of us psychic or part witch but we don't know it? What does that term mean?

Shadow-side are just the words - or terminology - used by some gifted authors to describe what I call the 'autonomic' part of your brain. The autonomic - or reptilian, ancient, old or 'brain stem' - part of your brain that governs autonomic behaviour. Such as heart beat, breathing, body temperature, coughing and blinking.

This part of our brain is programmed to keep our bodies running efficiently. It also includes another couple of essential human behaviors that are programmed by experience. This part of our brain also behaves like a super-fast computer processor, completely disconnected from the cognitive 'knowledge' part of our brain. Which can cause reactions and behavior that these guys call 'shadow-side' behavior.

Do you find that you have behaviours that you know are sabotaging your success? Where do they come from?

These guys say it's your shadow - which kind of suggests that it's a slightly dark and never-changing element that is not quite part of you? I prefer to think of it in more pragmatic, inclusive and less magical terminology.

A shadow is always present - as long as there is light? And I believe that you can transform this autonomic behavior and incorporate it into your consciousness. I agree with them totally that we need to embrace and understand this part of our personalities. Unless we do understand it there is, indeed, a side that can 'lurk' like a shadow.

As Debbie Ford, Marianne Williamson and my hero Deepak Chopra say, we do have to face this part of us if we wish to fully understand our behavior. Calling it a shadow or dark side, in my mind, gives it power and a magical quality that isn't really very useful? It neither helps us nor truly represents what it is?

I agree that we do need to understand these behaviors, and embrace it, or it will keep governing our actions. But I believe that it's very simple - whilst at the same time, complex. Rather like the programming of your computer? Just a series of very non-magical 0's and 1's. Nothing magic or dark here.

Ignoring this part of our selves is the reason we sabotage our relationships, exercise programs and finances. At least it can be...

When we understand, accept and embrace it, we are able to see our actions and those of others more clearly. It's like cutting away all the tangled undergrowth in a forest and making a clear path.

When you understand this part of yourself you will be able to see clearly who you are and address your real needs. You will also understand some of your reactions and be able to more easily tolerate and transform them.

You will create peace within yourself and your body. Your relationships will reflect this 'ease'. You will realise that you are no different from others in the beautiful world of ours - from Outer Mongolia to the Arctic to the Amazon to Europe. Yet your needs blueprint is completely unique.

This side of you has kept you safe throughout your life. It ensured that as a baby you were able to react to your environment appropriately survive. You owe it your life. It is also the source of misunderstanding, pain and broken relationships. Learn what makes you tick and work with these precious needs of yours.

Julie is a Victoria counsellor and writer.

Therapist, Psychologist or Counsellor?

Q: "My doctor told me I should see a therapist. What does he mean and is there a difference between a therapist, psychotherapist, psychologist, counsellor and a psychiatrist?"

NVC - Language of Life by Marshall Rosenber

A: In all the years that I have been a therapist and Victoria counsellor, this is probably the question that I have been asked more than any other. If you thought that the decision to seek therapy was difficult, deciding which type of therapist to see can be ridiculously confusing.

Whoever the therapist and whatever the type of therapy, NVC can be and is sometimes used by all of these therapists. NVC is an amazing communication tool - that all important communication with yourself and with others, including your spouse and kids. It will enrich your experience and make it even more usable and useful. I like therapies that you can continue with on your own after you stop seeing your therapist...

I will start with the basics. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who specializes in psychological disorders. A psychiatrist can prescribe medication and can also counsel. Typically most psychiatrists just prescribe medication and work as part of a team with a therapist or counsellor who provides the counselling. A psychologist is also a doctor but one who cannot prescribe medication. EMDR can be used (only, I believe) by specially trained psychologists.

A therapist or counsellor is not a medical doctor and they cannot prescribe medication. A therapist focuses on providing psychotherapy (talk - understanding one's own needs, thoughts and feelings -therapy) to their clients. The term “therapist” is used as an umbrella term as is “psychotherapist.” Under the umbrella of “therapist” falls many different titles and licenses of professionals who perform basically the same service: psychotherapy. A few examples are: psychologist, marriage and family therapist, relationship expert, social worker and licensed professional counselor. A therapist title and license type is determined by the state that they are licensed in and their training.

To make things a little more confusing, therapists or counsellors, regardless of their title or license, can specialize in different areas. There are hundreds of specializations but common ones include: couples, family, groups, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, stress management, domestic violence, grief & loss and life transitions.

There is a list and a description of some of the commonest types of therapy here so that you can learn what each therapist does and help choose the type of therapy that you would like.

Happy Choosing! Julie

How Do I Find a Good Counsellor?

I am a counsellor both in Victoria and on the internet and these are some of the questions I've been asked over the years. I hope to answer some of them on these pages and help you to choose a counsellor that suits you...

* "How do I find a good therapist that's right for me?"
* "My last therapist always made me feel bad about myself. How do I find a good therapist?"
* “My therapist makes a lot of good points but I feel awkward around him.”
* "I suffer from a lot of issues including depression and anxiety. Should I seek a specialist?"
* “I really like my therapist but we don’t seem to be getting anywhere.”

Finding a “good therapist” - and one that you really connect with and trust - can be difficult. There are several factors to consider including the skill set of the clinician as well as the relationship between the client and therapist. Both must be good to create a trusting environment where change can - and will then - happen.

Many people get discouraged when a therapist is not meeting their needs and rather than keep searching for the right person, give up. Finding the right therapist for you is akin to finding any other important relationship in your life - and it is important because your emotional health is as important as your physical health. But just because a therapist is professionally trained and licensed does not mean that they are a good fit for you.

Choose your therapist carefully. Honor your own preference as to whether you want to speak with them first over the phone, check out their website, email or have an initial session or two. If you email/speak to more than one therapist, ask yourself who you felt more comfortable with and question yourself as to whether they left your self-esteem intact and whether they seemed comfortable with your questions? Personally I find brief interview sessions on the phone have limited use because it's not really possible to find out enough to make a good decision. And many good therapists don't offer initial free sessions so to have a full session for free is often not an option.

Rather than offer a free initial session, I make all of my regular sessions a little longer than usual - for the same price. I have a website and if you have any questions after reading it and getting 'a feel' for me, I am very happy to answer those questions by email. (I would then update my website to include your question.) I don't offer a free session - however, if after the first session or two you didn't feel comfortable - for any reason - I would help you to find another therapist with absolutely no hard feelings. I also make it a point to share some useful theory work during the first session or two so that if you decided to change therapists, you would still have found the initial sessions useful.

Although some therapy sessions may leave you feeling depleted, many do the opposite. It's not often in this day and age that we find someone with whom we can spend a whole hour being listened to and mulling over our thoughts, feelings and needs. What luxury! The other side of the coin is that many issues are difficult and/or sad and personal work is both uplifting and sad. Choose a therapist that makes you feel comfortable even when they challenge you.

My own style of counselling includes NVC - aka non violent or compassionate communication - which is very compatible and enriches every other counselling method - as well as being a fabulous tool for parenting, your business and work and every other relationship you have. I also find Imago style therapy to be very successful in couples counselling and even if a marriage or relationship counsellor isn't an Imago therapist (and I am not) I like when the therapist is familiar with the work and includes some of the principles in their own style. If a client has used or is familiar with any particular style of therapy I appreciate the opportunity to talk with them about it and to include it if possible.

Many people come into therapy with multiple issues to work on. It’s surprising how many people are dealing with anxiety and depression at the same time. A good therapist is trained to sort through and help with whatever laundry list of issues you bring in regardless of the size. Especially when you have multiple issues I would suggest asking a potential therapist how much experience they have had with your particular issues.

Good luck,
Julie

Not Sleeping, Overweight, Anxious

Q: I am anxious and cranky and not sleeping. On top of everything I am overweight and worry about that too. I feel totally overwhelmed by my life at the moment. What can I do to find relief right now? Of course I would carry on working at it but I need some relief right now.

A: I think I see exactly where you're coming from? Are you are more than willing to do whatever longer term work is necessary to obtain relief from your anxiety and feeling of being overwhelmed and you would like some form of 'triage' - immediate relief - to make life more bearable right now?

This makes good sense to me and I recommend trying the following steps:

1. Ask your doctor about melatonin and start using it - I recommend 3mg taken 2 hours before sleeptime. This is a natural supplement and will help re-establish healthy sleep patterns for you. Once you're sleeping well, everything will look brighter and more optimistic

2. Find out about a couple of aquasize lessons a week? Some sort of exercise is a good idea and will help not only with general health but also with your sleep. As your metabolism gets better so it will become easier and you will enjoy all physical exercise more. Walks on beach/sand are great too.

3. Take some little peanut butter sandwiches or other high protein snacks to work and have a snack every hour or hour and a half at most - One slice of bread/half a sandwich or a fistful of almonds (best nuts) or 1/2 avocado or a few spoons of guacamole dip Reduce portion sizes a little to account for snacks

4. Ensure that all your food is made a little higher in protein - add low fat cottage cheese (a spoonful to soups or mashed potato etc) or soy sauce or meat or beans/wheat (beans and wheat have to go together to make a protein that the body can assimilate) or an egg (within the egg there is lecithin which emulsifies the cholesterol)

5. In the longer term, get the NVC book and follow the articles and exercises there. As a first exercise, make a list of 10 - 15 'needs' that are really important to you. Notice how everything you do - and everything others do - makes you feel? Try and connect those feelings and guess what you might need?

6. Wrap yourself with a blanket - quite tightly - while you watch a movie and eat plain popcorn sprinkled with a little yeast (delicious and good for you). This will help calm you ready for a good night's sleep with melatonin.

Email Counselling – Real Example

Sample Email Counselling...

Hi Julie, Can you help?

I am struggling with low self esteem issues which also lead to anxiety problems. I believe that most of my low self worth issues comes from my childhood, specifically my older sister. I need help in finding ways to be happy with myself and knowing I'm worth it.

Jane

****

Hi Jane

Thank you for your email - certainly our childhood and those we love seem to have the greatest effect on us - for good and for bad.

I use my ordinary email, double deleting sensitive issues and keeping all mail strictly confidential. Paypal notifies me immediately when they receive money.

I look forward to hearing from you Jane,

Julie

My payment came to you through my alternate email, but I prefer to use this one.

Ok, so here is some background on me. I am a 27 yr old female. I went to college, changed my mind multiple times and ended up walking away with a sociology degree after 7 years. I work for a non profit with kids. I just recently moved out of my moms house and in with my boyfriend of 2 years. I am very active in sports and the gym. I do not like my job and I am attempting to go back to school for something new, but I change my mind weekly. Right now, I think I am going to go back to be a teacher.

I come from a family that never really expressed emotion or talked about things. I have one sister, older by 3 years, and my parents were married up until the time I was 16 or 17. I think my dad had depression issues; when my parents would fight I can remember my mom hiding the guns in the house b/c he was threatening to use them on himself.

My mother was always the strong one, just like my sister is. Being the youngest, I was bossed around by my sister and constantly made fun of, I can remember times being made fun of for the way I walked, the socks I wore, my breath, not brushing my teeth, not being able to spell well, etc. I think they are somewhat normal comments from an older sibling but I think they deeply effected me.

We used humor to communicate in my house so my dad would also sometimes make fun of me, I think in his own way this is how he communicated without sounding mean. Our family moved 2 hours away when I was transitioning from middle school to high school. So I started a new school my freshman yr of high school w/o my sister, she stayed behind to finish up high school. I played sports and made some friends, but I always felt that I had missed out on the "real" social life I would've had.

Presently I notice some things effecting my daily life. I know that I've never had good self esteem but I think this is showing more to me now than ever before. I have major jealousy issues with my boyfriend, and it isn't necessarily what he does. It is more just the thoughts of other girls; being skinner than I, or prettier...it always crosses my mind that he should want someone like that and not like I am. He has repeatedly told me that I am what he wants and that he is happy with me and I'm beautiful, etc. But that just doesn't make sense to me. I cry at a moments notice for just about any reason. My boyfriend asked if I wanted to go hiking with him and some friends and I cried. The thought of being the last one, or not being able to keep up with the others makes me cry out of fear and shame.

All of this also disrupts my job. If I think I might have to drive a van full of kids, I cry. I don't feel confident enough to have that responsibilty. I cry when I have to go rafting with the kids because I am scared of rafting. I feel like I am scared of everthing and it is exhausting.

I feel that I present a good face to the rest of the world though. I play sports, I am very outgoing and happy. That is how people know me, I am the smiling, happy one. I have a few friends, not a lot though. My sister today is probably my best friend, we get a long very well now and we always joke that she messed me up when we were little. I don't think she understands how badly though.

I just want some guidance as to how I can be ok with myself and build some self confidence up so that I can enjoy life and not stress and worry all of the time.

****

Hi Jane

Thank you for your payment which I received and linked to this account - no problem.

I have read your email and already I have several ideas for you, short term and longer term. I would like to let it sit with me for a while (a day or two) before answering in full - I hope that's good with you?

It's amazing how much families - those who love us most - can hurt us. Especially when we are sensitive, which I can see in you. Important to remember is that no feeling is 'bad' - even anxiety - it's just alerting us to a need of ours that we need to pay attention to.

Being sensitive could be your greatest asset here. At the moment - ie over the next few days and weeks I would like you to really notice the effect everything has on you. Even if the face you put on for the world is a smiling one. Acknowledge the sensitivity and fear and tenderness inside of you. Think of that sensitive little soul almost as a separate person - a younger person perhaps. Mentally 'hold her hand' and just acknowledge how she feels. Be curious. Don't try and make it better. Or logic it away. Just notice it. And squeeze her hand. That would apply to driving a busload of kids (enough to make anyone cry!) or your jealousies. Everything.

I will write again, perhaps by the end of the day.

I'm curious as to whereabouts you are?

Have a nice day Jane,

Julie

****

Yes I am very sensitive and I am very aware of it, as are most people close to me. But I don't want the fact that I am scared of everything to stop me from having fun in life and experiencing new things. I feel like I need to find a way to over come them and not just by rationalizing situations (I've done this many times). I guess it all will pretty much stem from the lack of confidence and self esteem. If I don't believe in myself enough to think I can accomplish a task or opportunity, how am I going experience life? I've tried positive self talk many times, and I think it does work to an extent. See, I have these "moods" I guess where I want very badly to change myself and my thoughts so I will go out and buy books, do research, and for the first time, I've emailed a professional. The problem is, is that these "moods" only last for so long and only motivate me so far. Once I feel a little better, I seem to ignore it or move past it for a month or two...but I always retreat back. I want to be able to hold on to the "I am good enough" thoughts.

I live in western Arizona, by the way. Thanks so much for your help!

Jane

****

Hi Jane

How is it going with just noticing which things affect you and how? I wonder if you could keep a simple journal for each day? I think that would be really helpful - and remember, don't try and 'fix' how you feel or try to talk yourself out of it. Just note it. And 'be there' for yourself. Tell yourself it's absolutely OK to have these feelings... Any feelings.

Emotions and feelings are always good... They are like the construction site flags which have been stuck in the ground to show us that there's something buried underneath them. We want to dig and find out what's buried for us underneath? What need or value of yours will you find here?

All needs - true needs - are OK too. Try not to judge yourself if you feel 'neediness'. Your body is just trying to tell you something. And remember, you don't have to share these feelings or needs yet - in fact, this step is 'internal' and I don't want you to share it with anyone but me yet... This step is about you noticing what's happening inside of you. It's about teasing apart your plain 1. observations and thoughts; your 2. feelings; and your 3. needs.

Having needs is normal. Every single person in the whole world - whether from Alaska or India or Australia or Africa or USA - has the same needs. Strange but true... We all have a unique 'fingerprint' of needs - no two people need exactly the same amount of everything. But we do all have the same needs - whether we seem needy or not!

Knowing our own needs - who we are and what makes us tick - is the key to taking our growth to the next level and to repairing the hurt from the past.

When we know what we need we can find a way that's acceptable to us and to society to fill those needs. When our needs are met, we feel good. All of us. Our feelings and emotions will alert us to when our needs are being met and to when they're not. They're just indicators. When we feel bad - anxious and low self esteem for example - we can bet there are some important needs that we have that are not being met.

Really connect with yourself. Work out exactly what you like. What makes you feel calm? Content? Happy? Reassured? Pretty? Confident? What triggers you to feel uncomfortable?

Don't try and 'fake it' or tell yourself that you 'should' need or do various things. Merely notice 'what is' for you. Notice it and journal it and tell me!

NVC or Non Violent Communication - aka Compassionate Communication or A Language of Life - by Marshall Rosenberg is the most wonderful, simple (and at the same time complex) book that I have ever found on this subject. I love what he has to say - it makes such good, sound sense and I have seen miracles happen with real, everyday people who have used this book. Here are some links to his book, workbook and CD:

http://bit.ly/RBYnvc

http://bit.ly/RBYnvcwkbk

http://bit.ly/RBYnvcCD

I look forward to hearing from you Jane and finding out how this 'noticing thing' is going? It may not be the complete answer - it's just the first step of several steps that will make you feel better... Permanently.

Have a lovely day,

Julie

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