I am a counsellor both in Victoria and on the internet and these are some of the questions I've been asked over the years. I hope to answer some of them on these pages and help you to choose a counsellor that suits you...
* "How do I find a good therapist that's right for me?"
* "My last therapist always made me feel bad about myself. How do I find a good therapist?"
* “My therapist makes a lot of good points but I feel awkward around him.”
* "I suffer from a lot of issues including depression and anxiety. Should I seek a specialist?"
* “I really like my therapist but we don’t seem to be getting anywhere.”
Finding a “good therapist” - and one that you really connect with and trust - can be difficult. There are several factors to consider including the skill set of the clinician as well as the relationship between the client and therapist. Both must be good to create a trusting environment where change can - and will then - happen.
Many people get discouraged when a therapist is not meeting their needs and rather than keep searching for the right person, give up. Finding the right therapist for you is akin to finding any other important relationship in your life - and it is important because your emotional health is as important as your physical health. But just because a therapist is professionally trained and licensed does not mean that they are a good fit for you.
Choose your therapist carefully. Honor your own preference as to whether you want to speak with them first over the phone, check out their website, email or have an initial session or two. If you email/speak to more than one therapist, ask yourself who you felt more comfortable with and question yourself as to whether they left your self-esteem intact and whether they seemed comfortable with your questions? Personally I find brief interview sessions on the phone have limited use because it's not really possible to find out enough to make a good decision. And many good therapists don't offer initial free sessions so to have a full session for free is often not an option.
Rather than offer a free initial session, I make all of my regular sessions a little longer than usual - for the same price. I have a website and if you have any questions after reading it and getting 'a feel' for me, I am very happy to answer those questions by email. (I would then update my website to include your question.) I don't offer a free session - however, if after the first session or two you didn't feel comfortable - for any reason - I would help you to find another therapist with absolutely no hard feelings. I also make it a point to share some useful theory work during the first session or two so that if you decided to change therapists, you would still have found the initial sessions useful.
Although some therapy sessions may leave you feeling depleted, many do the opposite. It's not often in this day and age that we find someone with whom we can spend a whole hour being listened to and mulling over our thoughts, feelings and needs. What luxury! The other side of the coin is that many issues are difficult and/or sad and personal work is both uplifting and sad. Choose a therapist that makes you feel comfortable even when they challenge you.
My own style of counselling includes NVC - aka non violent or compassionate communication - which is very compatible and enriches every other counselling method - as well as being a fabulous tool for parenting, your business and work and every other relationship you have. I also find Imago style therapy to be very successful in couples counselling and even if a marriage or relationship counsellor isn't an Imago therapist (and I am not) I like when the therapist is familiar with the work and includes some of the principles in their own style. If a client has used or is familiar with any particular style of therapy I appreciate the opportunity to talk with them about it and to include it if possible.
Many people come into therapy with multiple issues to work on. It’s surprising how many people are dealing with anxiety and depression at the same time. A good therapist is trained to sort through and help with whatever laundry list of issues you bring in regardless of the size. Especially when you have multiple issues I would suggest asking a potential therapist how much experience they have had with your particular issues.
Good luck,
Julie