I wanted to share this email that I received the other day, together with my reply. My hope is that it might be useful for some of those considering counselling and wondering what it involves.
Hello Julie! My wife and I are interested in a couples counselling session. Could you please provide me with some further information regarding the tools that you use and what we can expect to accomplish in a session or how many sessions you on average need with a couple. Thanks a Bunch, Martin
Hi Martin, Thank you for your email regarding couples counselling - I'd be happy to try and answer your questions.
Counsellors use their own brand of therapy drawn from all the many modalities that they study and based on what works for them. I use a blend of Imago style work, NVC and Trust Oriented Therapy with the aim of identifying your individual communication styles and showing you how to both be heard and to listen within your relationship.
NVC also proposes (and I agree) that everyone has a unique needs blueprint and that if we can learn what our own needs are and then if we can learn to share them with our partner, we'll be in good shape. These are just two of the NVC principles that we - you and I - learn to integrate into your communication.
Imago is a specific style of marriage counselling that has a much higher rate of success than most couples therapies and strives to explain the patterns of behavior that you'll see (and recognize) in your own (and other) relationships. Imago has developed techniques that help to grow and change these patterns and lead the couple to a more peaceful and satisfying relationship. NVC (non violent communication)is also known as 'compassionate communication' and is a very powerful method of communication that enriches every area of your life - with your spouse, children, friends and at work. Between these two communication methods, successful is almost unavoidable!
As to time... It really does depend on where a couple are when we first meet and whether they can practice between sessions. (Sometimes practice during the first few weeks is disastrous.) I have worked with some couples as a preparation for marriage (so usually before specific problems set in) and done some great work in just 5 sessions. Ten sessions is probably a reasonable average. I can make sure and give you all the information and practice in that time, whether or not we can stay with individual difficulties to their resolution. It may be possible to work on some specific problems within that time too. Of course, the sessions don't need to be weekly and practice at home gets easier after the first few weeks. I'm sorry to be vague about the timing - it really does 'depend'. I could give you a much clearer answer after the first session or two?
I look forward to hearing from you and hopefully to meeting you. With best wishes,
Julie
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